Though I am still young and still not nearly intelligent as I should or could potentially be, I feel as though being through what I've been through these past two years or so, if there is anything I learned it's that time and time again I will never live up to someone's expectation of where they think I should be in life. As they will not be able to live up to my expectations. But I suppose instead of just having average or even slightly above average expectations is asking too much. For example. If I expect my friend(s) to back stab me, but they don't I expected, what is in my experiences as the normal, but they don't then I expected not just the unexpected but I expected too little of them. Where as say if it were my so called family. Back stabbing me. And they do so anyway. I expected the expected and was still not feeling shocked. Which sucks.
Daily Blog for Me (maybe you can relate)
Friday, June 27, 2014
Saturday, February 22, 2014
Funk, slump, down, whatever you wanna call it
Lately I have been in a huge slump where I don't want to do anything except two-four things MAX. I either just want to workout insanely, just curl up and rot away, go to a time where or when nothing matters not life, space, time itself, or even me just get away. Or on good days I just want to physically tire myself out but not just physically but mentally. Supposedly I am mentally gifted and am of above average-superior in intelligence or so says my friends, family and therapists (Does not mean I am any smarter or better than anyone else). Which I do in fact know I am not. just means for the average person for my gender, age, mental capacity, and other variables I am either slightly above or am more than above in intelligence. But if I am as smart as others say or think I am, why can I not find a solution to this issue or predicament that I find/found myself in. supposedly I have ADD and again supposedly people or persons with that (and other, what society calls, "mental disabilities) often others seem to find that person intelligent or even "bright".
But I just don't know why I am in this funk where I only want to do 2-4 things max during the duration of my day and then call it to an end. I just don't get it. It's really bothering me. Mentally I feel frustrated and depressed as well as confined yet have the feeling of too much freedom. Kind of like a stallion who lives 24/7 in a stable with no field to run in. physically it will take its toll. and mentally frustrating the holy heavens out of the animal.
I cannot seem to find a way out of this stable if you will. I just can't and as I said its really bugging me. please help.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)